Overnotifications

I feel like I’m getting overly notified by email at every turn of the shipping and handling experience. Recent Uniqlo notification: “Fulfillment associate swaddled sweater in tissue paper.” Two minutes later I get another one: “After finding an over-sized box, the massiveness of which in relation to the small sweater will serve to baffle you upon reception, fulfillment associate started to tuck sweater in, all the while anxious himself about his poor choice in box, when suddenly he felt like he was going to shit himself, and proceeded to the bathroom, kegeling for dear life. This might delay the shipment, depending on the extremity and duration of his situation.” Twelve minutes later. “Hands were sterilized, and your shipment has been packed with care, ready to be labeled lovingly.” The next day: “Six or seven handlers have had their way with your large package, but we are thrilled to report that one of these days we will release it to the authorities for shipping.”