I thought of not telling you guys this but it’s too funny so I am. I just switched from Time Warner/Spectrum to Fios (cause Fios is cheaper, oddly) and the guy I instructed to cancel my service tries to retain me awkwardly even though I’d just told him that I already had Fios installed. I’m getting annoyed when he pries “what do you use your internet for?” so I say totally convincingly “just tons of child porn and the occasional fashion blog, see I’m not a gamer, so I don’t require speed, well not internet speed.” And then I tried to wait silently for a reaction and I was good for five seconds which was a really long five seconds, but then I burst out laughing and then he was laughing and we couldn’t stop laughing for like twelve minutes.
He said he’s been waiting for someone to fuck with him in reply to that question for three long years. We laughed through the rest of the conversation. He told me I was due a credit of $4.43 and he’d send a check, and I told him, see, one of the reasons I was leaving him was that he wasn’t generous and he had this habit of pretending that things I was entitled to were gifts. He laughed so hard, but then I said, “It would be really awful if in the midst of you laughing so hard, if now you heard in the background “Ms. can I put on my clothes now, it’s cold!'” and you had to worry about what that meant…” He didn’t find that funny and stopped laughing, and then I didn’t find any of it funny, and we hung up the phone.
Another photograph by Erin Albrecht.